I was taken to see a psychologist at the age of five because something devastating happened within my family, and my parents wanted to make sure I had a healthy way of working through that situation. There came a point where I was “better,” meaning I could have walked out and never returned with little to no consequence. Even though I could’ve quit, I am extremely grateful that I continued going back.

First, I want to point out how much it benefitted me even before my breakthrough. I trust my psychologist very much; I have seen her since I was a child and she deeply understands the way my brain works. Having a therapist that I was not afraid to talk to really developed my social skills and set me up to have healthy habits of coping with emotions. Because I would have a session every three to four weeks, I became very comfortable with expressing myself, and working through my problems was not an incredibly difficult thing for me. Not to mention, a giant part of therapy is reflecting on yourself and figuring out why you do the things you do. This influenced me to always try my best to be conscious of all aspects of myself. I find that to be a really underrated skill. 

During the past eleven years, I have made a great deal of progress. Believe it or not, a significant percentage of that progress has just been in the last year or so. This is because I’ve done a lot of growing, changing, and awakening. I picked up meditating, focused on being grounded and exuding positive energy, and I learned. I let go of my fear. My hesitation. I decided that I would put in the effort if it meant being genuinely happy. So I did.

The first step was realizing that the negativity I was blaming the world for really started with me. Your reality is a reflection of you; if you are dwelling in negativity, or pushing negativity out into the world, the universe will reflect that same negative energy back to you. I spent a long time angry at the world. I knew I was a good person, a good friend, so I didn’t understand why I kept getting hurt. The minute that I stopped blaming anything and everything else, things really started looking up. 

This is not to say that there are not valid reasons to be sad, to struggle with depression or anxiety, or to need therapy. In fact, I’m advocating for therapy, and I’m trying to say that you do not have to be stuck with those negative cycles and feelings anymore. To do that, you must be honest with yourself. I was in a state of self-pity; I was focusing so heavily on my trauma, but at the same time I was subconsciously avoiding it as well. I talked about my feelings and my past during my session, and then I didn’t unpack it at all outside of therapy. It wasn’t getting me too far. 

I had a serious talk with myself about the way that I trap myself in gloom. I wasn’t doing anything to truly overcome my trauma. I wanted to complain about them, and get it off my chest so that I was no longer suffocating. At the end of the day though, I didn’t put in any hard work within myself. I didn’t do any criticism of myself, I didn’t do a personal inventory and make a list of habits that do more harm than good. The day that I did, I knew that was the beginning of a long journey to fulfillment. 

Traumatic experiences, abuse, manipulation, and mental disorders are valid reasons to be upset and to struggle. However, after I stopped blaming the world for my problems and quit deciding that I was not part of the problem, my life became significantly more healthy.